Current mood:

complacent

Another anecdote from the "It could only happen to me" files.
I meant to write about this weeks ago, but got distracted... but it's really too amusing to let go without a mention.

I've always been a cold-natured person (even before I lost weight), so much so that it wouldn't surprise me to learn that I had reptilian blood coursing through my veins. I wore a jacket to class most of the time throughout high school. During college, in an effort not to be completely weird, I ditched the coat during class but used two blankets on my bed during the warmer months because my dorm's A/C was out of control. In one of my previous apartments, my room stayed so cold in the winter that I used to fall asleep with my electric blanket and space heater on (safe, huh?). At my former job, a merchandiser gave me a sample parka and gloves and I wore them almost every day because I was always, always cold.

So, while I do use the A/C in the summer (because I don't like to sleep in a steam room), it's usually well into summer before I switch it on. Which is why I didn't really care that last month, some random vandal cut the A/C lines at my apartment, effectively destroying the cooling powers of every unit. I wasn't using mine at the time, so I didn't notice, but our landlords put a Rewards notice up for anyone who had info regarding the perpetrator.

On some Saturday afternoons, I like to take naps. See, I have a nice, relaxed schedule -- I get up at 10:30, go to kickboxing, work out with my trainer, come home, eat lunch, then shower. After that, I lounge for awhile, watching TV or writing or catching a few winks. And I'm often doing the latter activities in my wraparound towel, because I've just finished a shower and am just too lazy to get dressed just yet. It's my apartment, who the hell cares?

So a month or so ago, I was sprawled out on my couch, wrapped in my towel, with a small fleece blanket draped around me for softness and warmth. I fell asleep -- easy to do, it's one of my talents -- and the next thing I knew, a strange Hispanic man in a work uniform was walking through my door.

Though half-asleep and confused, I managed an undignified shriek, and clutched the little fleece around me. He, in turn, looked absolutely mortified, and backed up, saying, "Maintenance! Maintenance! I'm here to fix your air conditioner!" Apparently, he had rang the doorbell/knocked/whatever, but because I sleep like a zombie, I hadn't heard. And because maintenance has keys to every unit, he assumed no one was home and just let himself in. While I napped semi-naked on the couch. Fantastic.

At any rate, I was too embarrassed to actually get up, so I said, "Uh, okay, whatever," and just laid back down, carefully arranging my towel and blanket to cover myself sufficiently. He did his business and quietly left.

So. A few weeks ago, my A/C unit stopped working. Around the same time, the temperature here rose into the late eighties/early nineties, and my entire apartment became a convection oven. Now, while I'm usually cold (and hating it), I also can't stand to be hot. Especially a sticky, humid hot. The temperature gauge on my controls said it was 85º inside, and I believe it. I turned on my fan full blast and set it next to my bed to help me sleep, but it wasn't enough. So I slept naked. It was 85º fucking degrees! At that point I was ready to go out and set up a bathtub full of ice chips in the park.

I'd called my landlord about the problem on Friday, the day when the temperature became unbearable. So, naturally, maintenance would decide to come the following Saturday morning... while I was asleep and naked in my bed. Same guy. Once again, he had apparently knocked and let himself in when no one answered. I just woke up and noticed him standing out in the hallway, messing with the unit, and I thought, Good God. (A) How long has he been here, (B) who the hell does non-emergency maintenance work on Saturdays, and (C) why do I have to be naked again? I'm not sure if he noticed -- although if he so much as glanced inside, I'm sure he would have gotten a fine view of my bare back and whatever else was uncovered. So, once again, I surreptitiously covered myself with the comforter and waited him out, hoping that unauthorized pictures of me didn't end up on the internet or something.

So, yeah. The maintenance crew here now probably thinks I'm a nudist. Maybe I should check my apartment for hidden cameras.